Every night, my head swims with a million thoughts before drifting off. What I’ll be doing tomorrow… What I should be doing tomorrow… It’s a mind-consuming, almost never-ending hodgepodge of ideas and images and moods and deadlines, which I try so hard to capture in one last snapshot before sleep takes over. I really should have a notebook at my bedside. It’s usually at these half-awaken hours when inspiring ideas make themselves known!

I haven’t had the chance to post anything for a very long time. Had to give myself some time to think things through…

And the outcome of which is… I’ve decided to leave my day job for something more exciting–going freelance!!! And definitely, going full force into art and illustration! FINALLY. Figured I had to take the leap one time or another. It took a lot of guts, yes, and it’s going to be all about preparing for solo flight from hereon! Woot.

For now, just a little something I did out of a mix of boredom, exhaustion, and frustration at work. My first self-portrait, evar! Heheh. (I’ve avoided drawing myself for the longest time, I just feel weird about it…) No sunnies in the original photo–just decided to plop it onto my face at the last minute.

Speaking of boredom and impatience–I got a pixie cut for the one millionth time. If you haven’t noticed!

My older friends will kill me for saying this–but for the first time in my life, I feel older than ever! So. Being a bit past my quarter life now, I can no longer say I’m still in my “mid-twenties”… Well, last year was the last year for being that, in my book. Haha.

Took a birthday leave–and today being the middle of the week, I spent it mostly alone… Window shopping and mall-hopping. Galleria was my first stop. I miss it so very much, I actually wouldn’t mind going there every weekend, to be honest. For lunch, I managed to get B to eat with me at Cafe Breton (yay!). Then I hopped over to Megamall to finally check out their brand-spankin’ new (well, newly renovated, at least) department store. Man, it’s evolved by leaps and bounds–I couldn’t believe my eyes, and I couldn’t help myself, I just had to buy me one of those cute booties from now-unbelievably-chic-yet-cheap SM brand, Parisian. (Yes, my dears, Parisian!)

Came home to a semi-rushed albeit hearty dinner with the fam. My first time, I think, to celebrate at home instead of the usual dinner out. My mom, as always, did such a great job, we ended up with more food on the table than planned. Ah, well, there’s a packed lunch for me right there!

P.S. So overwhelmed by all the messages everyone left on my Facebook wall! I love you dears! THANK YOU!!!

The weekend was quite calm, with a slightly somber note. Saturday was spent mostly with family in celebration of the Chinese New Year (for the first time in a looong time I enjoyed just being with my fam at home); while Sunday was spent mostly in bed due to a bad case of migraine…

But B and I still managed to save the day with a simple yet lovely dinner, and pretty soon the clouds in my head lifted (thanks also to yummy hazelnut crepe and iced coffee!). We capped off the night watching Up in the Air at his place. Boring? Maybe, but at least it was cozy… And these days, just being cozy with the people I love is happiness…

P.S. Days ago I was shocked to learn of Alexander McQueen’s untimely death. They say it was suicide. I haven’t been able to read up on all the related material (due in part to some kind of denial–can’t believe he was only 40?), but it’s enough to say I really, truly felt how dreadful a loss it was to fashion. I’m not a huge fan, but I’d seen enough of his stuff to say he inspired me (and still inspires me) to dress a little more differently every now and then. I’m sure he’s in a better place now. RIP.

My first rendezvous with black and white came about the same time I first laid eyes on impeccably tailored clothes.

It was around the mid-’90s–local fashion was defined by a few designers and an even smaller number of glossies (just two, I think). My mom loved dropping by the department store of the then-new SM Megamall, me in tow, during those lazy summer days. I was totally uninterested in fashion. I honestly dreaded those aisles (waiting for mom to finish trying clothes on made it worse). My pubescent mind could not comprehend why, really, women enjoyed shopping for clothes…

Until I comprehended Cesar Gaupo.

My mom referred to him more as a tailor than couturier. He had a section near JM Goulbourn’s. Tucked in an inner, dimly lit part of the floor that separated the casual ready-to-wears from the formal selections, Gaupo’s crisp, tapered pieces connected with me. His silhouettes were sharp yet sexy. They seemed like the antidote to the feminine and oftentimes too-casual garb I was so used to. Gaupo’s pieces spoke of power in mostly two colors: black and white. I was smitten.

Around the same year, I attended my first fashion show. It was at the Manila Hotel–my family had gotten free tickets. I suppose I’d begun to understand this whole new world, because I felt a newfound giddiness for this special, intimate affair. My mom, I knew she loved Gaupo, too. As she gestured to his streamlined, neutral-hued pieces walking down the ramp, I found myself nodding in awe and approval.

I remember what I wore to my brother’s grade school graduation, a couple of years later. It was an outfit I proudly picked out for myself–a Rhett Eala number from his DUE ready-to-wear line at Rustan’s. I paired a white, collared top with a long, black cotton skirt that fell just above my ankles (yes, it was that long). Despite the sweltering heat of the gymnasium, I knew it was worth it.

It was then I finally understood the thrill of shopping for the perfect outfit. In my naivete, I felt like a million bucks.